The Day We Rescued the Kid Cops
by JP
Martha and I took an 11,000 mile roadtrip a few years ago before settling down to a life of yard-walking. We slept to wonderful earsplitting frogs and insect music in the South, saw a 200 lb purple catfish in a horsetrough at a campground. Got to the Grand Canyon, and it was as nice as they say.
At the canyon we met some free-spirited Dutch girls with a cranky Bostonian escort in a huge old LTD. We picnicked and expored with them all day on the North Rim. Had an entire glade to ourselves, with picnic table, overlooking it all. Lounged in quietude. A couple touristy types came and went nearby every few hours.
At one point these two young guys asked me if I spoke English when I’d wandered over to the parking lot. I was wearing black socks. That made me German. Somehow they found us again after awhile…and when they saw our gal pals, they really tagged along. They were just a couple college frat guys. They seemed hyper and harmless in a TV Generation way.
When we discovered that camping is allowed anywhere, we got moving and started exploring the area for a prime campsite. The Dutch Gang was used to life on the road and so were we. The newbies asked if they could tag along. Dutchies said sure, being cheerful folk. We found a great spot off a dirt road.
We had a nice dinner and good fire going. And learned along the way that our pals had never been outside L.A. before. They were real afraid of bugs on the logs we sat on. A mouse made one jump and run. They eyed our homecooked food with 10-year-old suspicion and asked if they could cook hotdogs on a fire like ours. They drank bottled water. Turns out one guy couldn’t sleep outside, so he’d been sleeping in the car with Phantom of the Opera playing all night long. All their gear was brand new and we had to help them eat, take care of themselves and get them ready for bed. They were actually, honestly very afraid and nervous of this outdoor stuff. At first we were tempted to poke fun of them, but then comforted them when we saw they really were afraid. “No, the mice won’t bite.”
Finally around the fire one of the girls asked if we wanted to smoke some hash. We said Fine, light up. The one curly-headed kid who was still up suddenly and quietly said “Don’t make me show you what I have in my wallet.” The Boston guy and I were the only ones who really heard. We did a double take and looked at each other, then encouraged the gals to put their hands back down and away. Dead quiet. Our good time just had been fully bogarted. By a kid cop.
It all made sense. They said they’d just got out of school, but their car had a big swivel spotlight on it that these cityslickers were shining on deer as we looked for campsites and they had a heavy black flashlight which looked way more intense than they were. All of a sudden the young, immature, nervous macho vibe they’d been emanating all nite made sense. Martha had been suspicious all along, but couldn’t put her finger on it. These kids had been out of circulation it seemed. Some kind of military service. They need ranks to stand in still. They were about 23…and fresh out of the Academy. LAPD at our service.
What a bummer that realization was. No one said a word. We tried to salvage some decency, but really couldn’t and went to bed.
Of all the nerve, we saved their butts 20 times that day (“Uh, you probably shouldn’t go that far up a steep boulder like that with such slick shoes.”) and helped them in 20 more ways and they pull their ‘duty’ jive on their superiors! Protect and serve…us? That’s what *we* did for those little stinkers!
The next day we lost them as fast as we could.
Did he really have a duty to do that? I don’t think so. They’re given tons of discretion regarding enforcement. It’s not like a doctor who has to help if someone’s hurt. If one of us had had a bad cold and was swigging some prescription codiene that we laughed and confessed had been intended for grampa and that it sure beats Vicks…would they have had to bust us? Were they pulling over Arizona speeders? How could they know if weed was a felony or a misdemeanor in AZ? Of all the nerve. And they were both just talking about getting shitfaced drunk moments before-he-man frat stuff.
So I’m finally of age where cops can seem like kids…with all the capability and native wit thereof. Good thing our government puts so much power in their hands! Gives em such burdens as they’re well able to lift! No way we could have our cops young, freshfaced and carrying only walktalkies ready to help if anyone gets hurt or needs help…like most civilized countries have. (That’s the way they were in Vienna.)
I’m asking more questions next time before I get involved with any bushy-haired kids. Friends with everyone. Trust no one.
